I Thought It Was Me

Turns out, it wasn't.

May 19, 2025

2020 started like any other year. I was busy with two small children aged 3 and 2 years old. I worked full-time and attended school part-time for my Master's in Nursing Education. The very semester I had a break in my academics, our world was rocked! My life would never be the same. 

That year, I watched 100 people die while the general public called the healthcare workers trying to combat the novel COVID-19 virus liars. That year destroyed me mentally. I don't think it would have been so horrible if the general public had rallied together in support of their neighbor's health and well-being, but that's exactly the opposite of what happened. A significant portion of the public did exactly the opposite of what the healthcare professionals recommended for their safety, like wearing masks out in public. As a cradle Catholic and a Catholic that had recently come back to the faith, I was so perplexed how all of these God fearing people could have so little empathy for their neighbor and spew hateful rhetoric. I made the difficult decision to leave the Catholic Church that year. I felt that my values were not lining up with the Catholic Church. I couldn't see myself remaining Catholic when so many of them were treating me horribly as a COVID nurse. I went through a deep depression that year, but did find solace in reading the Bible. I remained Christian despite leaving the Catholic Church. The Bible was so clear on what our job was as Christians. God only calls us to love thy neighbor. What I was experiencing in the Catholic Church that year felt in direct opposition to what I had been reading and studying in the Bible. 

Now, 5 years later, after almost completely writing off Catholicism altogether, I came across a creator on Instagram named @shwa004 who was talking about the Compendium of the Social Doctrine of the Church. This book discusses the Catholic social teachings, which I've never learned about, even as a cradle Catholic. She, along with Shannon Vavich made me realize it wasn't me. The Far-Right Catholics are following Christian Nationalism, a perversion of Christ's teachings. I mentioned my reluctance to return to Catholic Churches here in Kansas, especially in a deep red area, to shwa004, and she suggested checking out a Jesuit Catholic Church. I hadn't heard of them within the Catholic Church. Unfortunately, a Jesuit Catholic Church is hours away. This weekend, I attended my first online service at St. John's Catholic Parish out of Omaha, Nebraska. Although not as lovely as an in-person gathering, it was great to be a part of a mass where people seemed "woke". They were aware of the injustices happening due to this administration. Surprisingly, a woman said the homily. It was a fantastic homily! I'll attend these online services more often and continue to learn about the Catholic social teachings. It's quite amazing to realize that it WASN'T ME, IT WAS THEM!